Last night I dreamt that Beyonce invited me to sing onstage with her. I said yes, and then immediately panicked. I had no clue what the song was, what the lyrics were, what the DANCE MOVES were, and I was wearing lame street clothes. I couldn’t even get a hold of the music video to practice with. I kept rushing around backstage, trying to get a laptop to play some of her songs so that I could try to remember some words. Words to songs that I wasn’t sure I’d be singing. I felt like schlub, dressed in jeans and a sweater. I had no sexy costume, I had no sweet dance moves. I didn’t feel qualified to have either, quite frankly. Needless to say, I was not exactly keeping my cool.
It was beyond stressful, but I was willing. I knew that I had been asked to sing with her because she liked how I sing and knew that I could hold my own. (Not that I was sure in the moment! I was freaking out!) I knew that no matter how unprepared or ill-attired I was, I had to do it. No one says “no” to Beyonce. Plus I knew that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I mean, really. Beyonce.
No accidents that I had a Beyonce anxiety dream, because I’m doing the same thing in real life. I’ve committed to huge risks lately, with zero (or close to zero) evidence that I can pull it off. I have skills and a support network, and the rest is up to me. Leaving teaching and living in Denver has stretched my comfort zone in emotional, physical, mental, financial, and spiritual ways that I didn’t anticipate. My body has reacted in funky ways, I’ve felt unmoored, but also more free and open to possibility than ever before.
When we step into committed action, the Universe conspires in our favor. We may feel unprepared, but things are moving forward whether we know it or not. Beyonce was my universe last night, inviting me to step into the unknown, with only my abilities to rely upon. It was an opportunity to reinvent, re-imagine, and then do it again. Even if I felt unready, I had to seize the moment and step on stage. Most importantly, I had to trust the process. Trust that regardless of how things went down, they were supposed to go down that way. I can’t control it all, and I still get to say yes.
The future is bright, and the present is scary. When people ask how I’m doing, I can honestly say that I’m good. I’m excited about my life and committed to this journey. Is it bumpy? It sure as hell is. But there’s no going back, and what I want to create is much more enticing than staying in my comfort zone. So here I am, getting onstage with Beyonce in jeans and a sweater, no clue what I’m doing but able and willing.
Levee Leadership 